kab tak gine hum dhadkane.. dil jaise dhadke dhadkne do..

With new hopes and new problems, I’m writing this post. I’ve started feeling that my life and state of mind is going exactly same as of P’s who always cribs about personal entangled with professional life and later taking toll of you. Since last 2 weeks my Saturdays are working and will go on till diwali. WTF! If company wants to earn extra profit, then what is our benefit from that-same salary which we could have got after working 5 days. Then why to put extra efforts!! Damn! Even Samsung or LG don’t do this to their employees. I know we are growing, but there has to be some line of separation between your personal and professional life. My boss is good but I don’t like his concept of just making me to sit in the office till late because I’m bachelor and don’t live with my family, so ghar jakar kya karte ho?? I don’t understand to sit in the office because your boss is sitting.

My flatmate and friend says that I’m fed up very early from this corporate culture. And yes, He’s right because I can’t take this anymore just for money. So, now I’ve started searching for something else which I would reveal later. Mental peace I always possess. But I want to live for myself and my family. I’m the only son and I’ve to support my family and my sisters which I can’t do in this busy schedule. Since, Wednesday I’m working more than 12 hrs or just staying in the office for more than 12 hrs. Though I follow SRK madly who used to and still works for more than 12 hrs, but he started this because he had too much responsibilities. His parents died, he had to support his sister and also look after his career. It was tough for him and had no other options. But I do have options to make my life better. Even I want to work real hard but at the same time don’t want to neglect my personal life. I want stability in life.

Since the day I’ve seen ZNMD, I’ve only this notion of “to live it up” and I would definitely do that. It may happen that, I would buy home few years later in comparison with current situation, I would earn less, I would just buy polo instead of my dream car Honda Accord. But I would be happy to be with my family whenever they need me unlike current situation. I would prefer to have less money and more happiness instead of vice versa.  I want to make it large. This whole josh has come from ZNMD and my pathetic professional life going. Also, I follow lyrics of this song:

hey hey chalo na
dhoondhe sheher naya
jahaan muskurahaten hain bikhri
jahaan se ghum ka mausam gaya
jahaan meethi baatein
har ik ajnabi se ho
bhoole hum bhi jo saari fikren
lamha lamha khushiyan bikhren
idhar udhar aur yahan wahan
jaayen wahin dil kahe jahaan
baby baby baby
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
hey hey chalo na
gaaye naye naye geet
khel aisa kyun na koi khele
jisme sabhi ki ho jeet
in dino phool aur taare
koi bhi dekhta nahi
dekhe unko deewane hoke
koi kitna bhi humko toke
khuli hawa ho khula samaa
jaage hue ho sab armaan
baby baby baby
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
humse dil ne kahi jo baatein aao maan le
jispe chalta nahi hai koi raah wo chale
thodi aawargi ho
thodi thodi madhoshiyaan ho baby
hum ho tum ho baby tell me
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do

Well, rest of my life is going ok-ok types. Now I have only Sundays to spend in peace. I’m always engrossed in my past memories especially of my school. Even I was telling this to someone that I want to go back to my school and just sit near basketball court with same batch of students and same teachers, no matter how old everyone may be. But I know it’s not possible as it goes:

Nagme hai, shikwe  hai

Kisse hai, baatein hai

Baatein bhool jati, yaadein yaad aati hai!!

Yeh yaadein kisi dilo janam ke chale jane ke baad aati hai..

Yaadein..haiii yaadein…

more on my life, later.

New Life.

Writing blog after 2 months. So lot has changed in these 2 months as I’m no more a student today. Done with NITIE on 26^th may, 2011. Job started from 15^th june,11. Too much mixed feelings coming to me from last 2 months. For 1^st 10 days, it was just corporate induction and real work started from 27^th june. I’m assigned my work in some way and not fully. Giving my real best in everything I’m doing in office and also trying to learn a lot. Best part is that my boss is very amazing and supportive personality who has lot of faith in me just because I’m from NITIE J . The day we had corporate dinner with top management during induction, my boss also came and said that he expects a lot from me because NITIE has its vast presence in industry. I felt bit under pressure to perform but then he lightened the mood by saying “take it easy, work hard and rest leave it on me”. Just want to praise him because he’s really a nice guy or a boss everyone desires.

I’m given a role of distribution planner with designation of asst. manager. I’m loving it, at least currently. People are nice at my work place. Everyone is very supportive with no arrogance. In short I’m loving culture. May be because it’s a Japanese company. Also, I would be going to Japan in august end for a week J . Really excited about it.

Moreover I’m staying with D, my school friend since class 9^th. We are great buddies. In this world of selfish people, at least I’m in safe haven.

If I see broader picture, then everything is fine. But if I analyze closely then I found myself confused. First confusion starts with “should I opt for PSU job in near future?” this question is troubling me since last 1 month cos I’m really liking Panasonic. But don’t know how long I’m going to like it. Secondly, I’ve started missing my school, college and NITIE days a lot. Its not like I’m frustrated with my corporate days or bored with it. But it feels that those were wonderful days. For instance, I’m suffering from cold and cough from last 1 week, but I didn’t take any leave just cos it’s a new job or after all it’s a job and not college or school L where I could take leave on my will (btw, I was reluctant in taking leaves while I was in school and college as I never liked to skip work).

Sometimes I see myself in character Ted of HIMYM(P.S I was noticing this from long back and not trying to copy FRIENDS from P’s blog :P ). I really feel whatever he does is very similar to what I’ve done so far in life. I studied hard like him, got a good job, then been in more than 1 relationships and every now and then it seems I’m about to enter another one like him L. But I don’t have many friends like him who are as supportive as his. I mean I do have but all are far away unlike him whose friends are always with him. Actually I like all characters of this series. Marshal, Lily, Robbin, stupid barney and always changing Ted’s GFs.

More on this later.

Innocence, Memories and Emotions...

Twinkle Bajpai in Haunted

I’m back from amazing trip to Kerala. It was really nice. Finally, people also got to know about my new hair style as I uploaded pics on fb :P . So this post is about few people I encountered or I may say people I saw while returning from Kochhi.

While returning from Kochhi, we had to take train from Delhi to reach Saharanpur. As usual train was 2 hrs. late and I spent time on platform. When train arrived, we occupied our respective seats/berths. On one of our berths, a girl was lying. I urged her that it was our berth. So she shifted from there. She was travelling with her mother and they didn’t have any reserved seat. They were Punjabi.  There was pure innocence in her eyes. I noticed that when her mother said “mei paani lene jaandi aan neeche” and she replied “menu kella chhodke jaugi tu”. Please pardon my Punjabi. I’m still trying hard L. I could see the innocence and pain in her voice. It seemed they were looking for some hope in probably troubled times which I couldn’t predict.  And then suddenly a thought came in my mind that how lucky I am to have everything in place and also to have such caring parents. Each time I remember that girl I just thank God-my lord. Then, she asked me “pai, aapnu kithhe jana” and I replied “Saharanpur aur tussi?” she said “Jullundhar”. Also asked that can she occupy our berth once we leave and I nodded. At around 2.20 a.m I woke up and prepared as train was about to reach Saharanpur. She was still awake and was lying on her mother’s lap. I felt pity and offered her my berth. While getting out of train, I just prayed for her well being.

Next day, I was going on road to buy something and I saw 2 school kids-a girl and a boy going. They were around 20m distance away and were teasing each other by making faces. I just smiled and recalled my school days that how I used to tease children in my school and tonga :D. I and J were kind of bad boys in tonga and also troubled our classmate L in 4^th standard. We used to tease a girl and her little brother just because the girl always used to show attitude and we didn’t like that. It was totally unreasonable fight that we used to have till the day she told her parents and our tonga wale bhaiya ji reported that to my Mom. And then I was scolded very badly. Also in class we used to trouble L on seating issues because since I and J are best friends so we always wanted to sit together. But he always caused trouble by sitting in between us on a seat of 3. His surname was Arora and we used to tease him by saying “Lalit arora break ka pakoda, khane mei tasty thoda thoda” :P He also brought a note from her parents at which I and J convinced him not to show it to class teacher and we would behave from now onwards :P . I really miss those days. Still want to see those people I used to tease.

Yesterday I watched movie Haunted-3D. Though it was just 2D but still I enjoyed it. It’s another nice horror movie from Vikram Bhatt after 1920. Many of my friends didn’t like it. But I loved it. I felt bit embarrassed during movie because of story line and presence of my Dad L . So in a nutshell the story is that a girl’s spirit is caged by a male evil spirit who was once her piano teacher, in a big mansion. He caged him so that he could assault her sexually always and this continues for 80 years after which a man (some new actor) comes and rescues her as now he owns that house. The movie is full of emotions with some amazing music especially the song “sau baras guzre” is full of pain: 

Sau Baras guzre raat hue
Sau Baras guzre din hue
Sau Baras guzre chaand dikhe
Sau Baras guzre bin jiye
Kyun pal.. tehertha hai yeh
Kyun wakth badaltha nahin hai
Yeh raa..h soni hai kyun
Kyun koi nikhaltha nahin hai
Sau Baras guzre saans liye
Sau Baras guzre bin jiye
Palkein hai khwabon se khali..
Dil hai ke bandh koi ghar..
Kabhi rang the
Nainon mein
Kabhi dil ko lagte the par..
Woh raat saheli meri
Sab taare chura le gayi hai
Woh dil.. jo tha mera
Ab woh bhi mera nahin hai
Yeh kaffa mujhse yaar mere
Kya patha kab yeh phir mili
Hum toh charahon se jalke
Baithe hai umeed mein..
Kya jaane
Yeh kiss ka
Rahein intezar hamein…
Koi.. chule mejhe
Kyun aakhir yeh lagta hai dil ko
Saansein… bandh hai toh kya
Abhi bhi dhadaktha hai dil toh
Yeh thadap koi na.. sune
Na samjh yun hi
Dil hai yeh
Sau Baras guzre raat hue
Sau Baras guzre din huee..

It’s a hard core horror movie but full of pain and emotions.  Also the girl is really very very sweet in the movie.

Negative vibes all over... :(

I’m back from my trip to Hyderabad. It was great as I spent some quality time with my sister, Jiju and my sweet nephews. Also met my DCE friends and watched IPL match-the first match ever in a stadium. After coming from there, I also went to Amritsar and had a great time with J, V and others at Golden temple and Wagah Border. Though I missed Jallianwala bagh but that was due to time constraint. Next week, would be heading to Kerala with Mom and Dad. In short, I’m enjoying my fake holidays to the fullest :). Quiet sure that I won’t get such time once I start my job.

On Monday, P texted me and asked me to forgive her. She was feeling bad after whatever she did to me last year. She was sorry for that. I said that I forgave her last year itself and I want her to be happy. At the same time, I was irritated that she’s sorry but couldn’t take pain to call me. Well, later G tried to make me understand that she might be afraid of facing me. I totally understand that. Sometimes I still think about P. I don’t know what feeling is this.

Today, J also texted me and asked me to not to stay in touch as she wants to get over me. I said fine and realized that I was doing the same that P did to me 1 year back. I was on the same shoes as J and was helpless as P never understood what it takes to say no to a person who loves you the most or the kind of love you’ve ever experienced. But what could I do! According to SRK who says “Chahe jo tumhe poore dil se, milta hai wo mushkil se. aisa jo koi kahi hai, bas wohi sabse haseen hai, us haath ko, tum thaam lo..wo meherbaan.. kal ho na ho” I should happily accept J and P should happily accept me. But that’s not the case and I also understand why P did that to me. I tolerated all that because I think I’m a boy and a bit strong (heartwise). But worried about J that whether she would get over me or not. In search of getting the best, we sometimes even lose the better. But still we don’t regret. That’s the whole paradox. Well, a man shouldn’t worry about events which are out of his control as they only cause anxiety, emotional disturbance etc.

To add to the worries, my Mom and Dad are forcing me to see a girl in Delhi. WTF is that you get a job and 1 thing your parents think about you is marriage. I planned to enjoy my so called Jawani after job. Well, the girl has done BE and is employed in IBM and would be going for MBA this year in Gurgoan. Marriage will be after 2 years of her MBA. So out of curiosity I tried to search her on fb. But couldn’t find her. Though the girl seems to be good match. But abhi shaadi ke chakkar/formalities mei nhi panda mujhe . How do I tell them!!

Also, I was feeling J for D-my school’s classmate for 11 years got through L. Had she deserved, I wouldn’t have felt jealous. But I find her most undeserving. Also, she would be now ahead of me in my school batch where I was ahead of everyone in terms of better carrier or B-school. Well, now a days I also feel that I’m undeserving. Lot of negative vibes coming to me which give me such a feeling :( .

More on my miseries, later.

Passion and Inspiration

Currently the hottest topic of discussion in India is Cricket world cup 2011 and moreover MS Dhoni – Captain of Indian Cricket team. Since the day India won the final match against Sri Lanka, all are praising M S Dhoni for his captaincy that has helped India in winning this trophy.  Sachin Tendulkar has gone 1 step ahead saying Dhoni is the best captain he has played under in Indian Cricket team. I know that would definitely hurt Saurav Ganguly, if not Mohd. Azharuddin. This mania will go on for at least 2 months because of IPL is also in the cue where Dhoni will be leading Chennai Super Kings. Awards, money, name, fame and what not, are showering on Indian Captain. Well, he deserves this. He has created his own place in the history of Indian cricket adjacent to another Cricketing icon Mr. Kapil Dev, who won World cup for India in 1983. 

 

In BE days, I watched a inspirational video where Kapil Dev was featured showing “only Indian captain who won Cricket World cup for India and currently a professional golfer”. That’s the kind of respect which is given to Kapil Dev. I was thinking what it takes to be a champion or rather a leader like Kapil Dev or M S Dhoni or a fantastic Cricket icon like Sachin Tendulkar. It takes a lot. Even Dhoni never had imagined that he would be leading Indian Cricket team and would win the World cup after Kapil Dev. It takes a lot to be Dhoni, Kapil or Sachin. It takes day in and day out hard work on the field and sharpening your skills. I remember when I was in 6^th standard; I used to go to play cricket in the morning during summer vacation. I used to play with my best friend J and get angry each time he defeat me as he was good in Cricket. I always felt bad and would discontinue for 2 days. After 2 days, again we play like dat. He was very committed to cricket and even went to Kanpur for selection. But Luck didn’t favour him. He used to work really hard on Cricket throughout his school days. He used to wake up early, ran a lot, play Cricket.

CWC 2011 final's ticket of Sakshi Rawat signed by MS Dhoni

 

I believe if J did so much and still couldn’t play at state level, I feel how much Dhoni could have done for international selection. And that’s why he is our proud Indian Captain who did everything for his passion. People see his awards, money, skills etc. but nobody sees the hard work behind this skill set. And above all the calmness he shows on and off the field which is just amazing. Somebody has rightly said “Follow your passion and rest will follow you”.  I still remember his smile after hitting six of victory which showed “finally, we did it”. The man wasn’t even seen in the front runners for snaps, videos or giving interviews. When entire team was taking round of the ground while carrying Sachin, the man was completely out if focus. That’s called character which never shows off. It needs guts to stay away from showing off after doing so many efforts, that too not for family, friends or city etc. but for the nation. Also, he lost his calm during batting where he shouted at Yuvi for not running too fast for the single run. That was memorable moment where the captain cool lost his calm. Even after winning, all team mates were jumping, crying, shouting in joy. He walked silently with a smile. I just love that style of him. Salute to his style. Finally, he’s also in the list of my inspirational people after Bhagat Singh, Sachin Tendulkar and Kapil Dev. Dhoni, You are really a man of character who with his calmness, great leadership, great skills gave us another reason to cheer and feel as a proud Indian. 

And since then, I’m just thinking every minute that I want to become Dhoni, which isn’t possible now. But yes, would try my best to do things in regular life as beautifully as done by Mr. Dhoni.

Enough of Dhoni, and now comes Sachin- the man playing cricket since he was 16, aka God of Cricket. The man created many records that nobody can even think of breaking but was away from the title of World cup winning squad. And finally, the dream is achieved. Now his profile is perfect. I still remember the article written by Harsha Bhogle after India lost to South Africa in league matches of world cup. Here’s the link  http://tigershetty.wordpress.com/2011/03/14/article-by-harsha-bhogle-after-india-vs-south-africa-match-in-the-world-cup-march-2011/

That’s the real hard work which leads to simply perfection. I know luck also plays its part. But not fully. I remember how he ran in the field like a small child after Dhoni’s six. These moments will stay forever in our hearts as we felt as Proud Indians. What if every one of us shows such dedication and passion in whatever we do! We can’t even imagine how well we would progress.

 

Finally, the 3 men I’m desperate to meet includes Sachin, SRK and Dhoni. Not because they are celebrities. But because they are self made men with great character, down to earth, totally calm without any attitude, started from a scratch and now scaling heights they didn’t even imagine.

Sometimes I feel why most of the middle class land up in profession/job they don’t like at all. If I take my example, I would say it just feels fine to carve the career after BE and MBA. I know I would get bored of what I’ll be doing 20 years down the line because I didn’t follow my passion or rather I didn’t recognise my passion.  Well, anyways, nothing can be done now because risk could have been taken at that time. It was high risk game. But high risk yields high return. I hate mediocre life. Mediocre life kills everyone. Probably it’s too early to say but I’ve decided to ask my children to follow their passion and I would take care of the rest.

Ideas for Life... :)

 

Ok so hold on! Finally writing this post explaining some great changes in past 3-4 months. I can’t write as P does because I feel writing blog is bit boring when no one reads it :P unlike P’s blog which is read by many. Poor me who was inspired by P to write and damn no one reads it L. Bu I couldn’t sustain to write this blog because of my slow typing pace. Hats off to P who writes even in hectic schedule of his job.  

 Anyways, Life is bit stable now days because I got a job in Panasonic through campus recruitment drive at NITIE. Though it’s not a job I desired considering its salary package. I desired to get somewhere around 12-13. But this is also decent enough. Panasonic sends their MBA recruits to Japan during 6 months training period. But looking at the scenario in Japan right now, I don’t see any hope for next atleast 1 year. This may sound selfish but it’s one of the dimensions of human behaviour. Whatever is going on in Japan is really sad and I pray for those unfortunate people. But at the same time, that event shouldn’t have affected me. Anyways, as Bill gates says “LIFE ISN’T FAIR, GET USED TO IT”. I am getting used to it L

One good thing about my job is that I would be joining in HO at Gurgaon which is close to my place. So I can easily go home on weekends and in case of any emergency. Also, most of my friends are in Delhi so I can meet them easily. I was happy because Panasonic only selected me from NITIE but now it seems they should have selected more so that I would join with some known guys instead of totally unknown people. I find it bit difficult in dealing with new people. But will be successful in it for sure.

We have winter internship process in NITIE unlike any other institutes except SPJIMR.  This internship is supposed to be done in the company in which student gets placed. Since, Panasonic didn’t offer me this internship, So I’m free these 4 months and decided to enjoy by visiting friends and relatives. Currently I’m heading to Hyderabad to meet my eldest sister and few friends. It would be fun there.

Another dimension of human behaviour I noticed in me. My ex-classmate in premier B-school of India, got a fat package of 15-16 LPA. I’m totally jealous and hate him. I want to kick his ass out. Actually, not just me, everybody in our class disliked him during BE days. I was completely indifferent to him in those 4 years until the day in 8^th semester when he gave some disliking remarks to me, as he thought he got permission to evaluate every one if he got admission in top B-school. In order to curb this jealousy, I would try to outshine him in career success or atleast come equal to him.

This is my first job and I’m very happy for this. I still can’t forget the first day at St. Mary’s where I took admission in 2^nd standard. My mom came with me to school. I was nervous because I changed school and didn’t know anybody there. I also remember my first day to college in DCE where I was ragged. Again the first day at NITIE which was chill. I feel joyous when I see all the efforts and hardwork in Saharanpur which helped me to go Delhi and in turn the hard work in Delhi which led my path to Mumbai. And now from Mumbai to Gurgoan. Life has taken so many twists and turns so far. I made so many friends in this journey among which some are still there and some not.

I’m really fed up of this flirting habit I’ve got. I want to get rid of it. I can’t actually resist flirting whenever I see a cool chick. Sometimes I feel myself as Barney of HIMYM. Though a degree less than him as he’s completely behind nailing every chick he encounters. I’m worried that I may meet my Ms. Right and may not identify her in this whole game. But still fingers crossed. Vaise, I got a proposal from a girl in Lucknow J she was my school mate and currently pursuing MBBS. But since I don’t feel for her I said no and refrain myself from playing with her feelings. We are still friends. Another twist happened early this month where my ex asked me to reunite with her. But I don’t want to go back as I don’t love her anymore. People are weird and so their ways.

Recently I watched a movie called 17 again and I’m in love with it. One of the romantic movies I like most. Can’t remember anything more to write.