11.11.11 its my Bday... :) :)

So nothing new. I'm just excited for my birth day. My friends say that you ain't a child. But still you seem to be so excited for your bday and I say yes, child in me still survives :) . Another reason for this excitement is that this time it would be 11.11.11 which is unique in itself. Well, previously too I always used to be happy as it's 11.11. Yes, I'm a proud to be a  scorpion and I'm pretty happy the way life turned out so far. Though I'm not the best but yes slightly above my childhood peers.
Apart from this the same routine is going on. I don't know but now I get very nervous when I think about marriage and even worse with kids as a by product of it. The situation is that I don't even want to talk about marriage and I get insane when I see couples holding hands. How can you tolerate a person through out your life in such a busy routine when your boss will also be yelling at you. In Mumbai, We all went for a small party and then my friend S said that now things will be changed. Even if you don't want to, still you have to like things and even do them. I believe he was very much right. The thing that worsens these thoughts is that I'm a complex creature. I think I may have to put alot many extra efforts to make it successful. Well let's see.
Ok so again the word on my mind is SRK. I recently watched Ra.1. Though the movie was just average but what enhances my obsession is his personal and professional journey so far. The way he has achieved things is remarkable and none from the middle class can even think in such a magnanimous way. I know luck has played a major role in his success but still today he's a real King of Bollywood with ordinary background and extraordinary journey. Recently I came across this SRK's pic in his very young age with his wife and then girl friend- Gauri. I sometimes fall short of words to praise this wonderful guy with totally filmy kind of love life and that's why he's my idol. I want to carve my life like that. Though not in films like him because I can't. But yes in a very magnanimous way in whatever I do.

Well apart from this rest is going just fine. P will be shifting to Gurgaon. So we can meet but I still doubt that he will throw his excuses. Koi na mile ya na mile, presence is enough. So to end this I want to quote the same lines quoted by SRK in his every interview:
har kisi ko mukkamal jaha nhi milta
kisi ko zameen kisi ko aasman nhi milta

And tomorow is my bday....yippeeeeeeeeeeeee :) :) :)

No more Grudges

So, Diwali is over now and so is the peak season in FMCD industry. But still I don't think that my Boss will be allowing me to take a sigh of relief. He has his own plans for me. Sometimes I feel like a prostitute who's not allowed to say no. For every F***, she has to say yes happily or unhappily. I went to my home for Diwali and I really enjoyed my stay since it was away from routine. But I had to come back on saturday morning as my boss wanted me to be in office. But, there was no work on saturday :( Today also, I was given an offer to come to office and finish my project presentation. But I preferred to stay home and finish it at here itself.
Well, cutting this crap, my state of mind is taking new twists and turns. Initially I was in a revengeful mood with all those who betrayed me. I wanted to talk to them and fight with them. But suddenly I'm changed. Now its no more about revenge. Its only about moving on. Recently I had a small text conversation with P who explained me that we can't be good friends and that's why she didn't want to stay in touch. On the other hand, G is busy and want to talk. But what I've started thinking is just their well being. I wanted them to be happy for rest of their lives. I even wanted to text this to P -"Khush raho Hamesha. Take very good care of urself". But then thought that people think in various ways. I don't have to remind some one that I have good thoughts for them or I care for them. I think there's no need to explain. Let there be some grey area to be predicted by others.

Tere ishq peeee mar jawa…

I’ve heard a lot about this movie called FASHION. But I didn’t watch it. But last week I and my friend went to some mall where this song was being sung by some professional singer. I really loved it and since that day it’s rocking my laptop and cellphone.  I don’t know why but I feel really sad when I hear this song. Sometimes it feels like crying. It feels like a boy is upset with his lover and she wants to make him realize what his love means to her. Mistakes happen by everyone but everyone should forgive them too.

Tere ishq peeee mar jawa…

And then suddenly I start thinking that what would happen if I’m in bad mood and my wife is very caring, lovable and sweet. I would try not to break her heart ever. I would never do that. I’ve done this a lot with PM during those 4 years. I sometimes regret but yes I’m not guilty. It’s like : Don’t regret for the people in your past. There’s a reason that they couldn’t make it to your future. Somewhere I feel it’s absolutely true.

I would definitely love her. I love movie 17 again and the scene when couple wants to get separated and boy tries one last time by saying I’m going through a bad mood. On this girl says “You’ve been in bad mood since last 20 yrs” and boy goes blank and also pitiful. I don’t want to create that situation. I don’t want to mess up things so much that she loses her trust from me.

I don’t know how much more I’ve to wait… :(

Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan,
Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan,
Bheege bheege sapno ka jaise khat hai,
Haii..
Geeli geeli chahat ki jaise lat hai,
Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan,
Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan…
Soche dil ki aisa kaash ho,
Tujhko ek nazar meri talash ho,
Jaise khwab hai ankhon mein basse meri,
Waise needon pe silvate pade teri,
Bheege bheege armaano ki rahad hai,
Haii
Geeli geeli khwahish bhi to behad hai,
Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan,
Mar jawaan, mar jawaan,
Tere ishq pe mar jawaan..
mar jawaan..hoo…

I really don't know my feelings...

Right now I'm listening this very nice and emotional song #marjawa from Fashion. I feel like crying while listening to this song. Bu then I suddenly thought that there's no one whom I should miss. P, seriously no one. I really don't know about my feelings or emotions. While I go to bed, I might cry and I mean literally. But that's for sure I'm not missing PM. I mean I might remember her, but definitely can't cry for her. These tears might be for the one I haven't seen yet. Sometimes I have alot to say and alot to express. It's not like I'm dying if I don't express. But yes I feel that void. Like the days when I used to call P when I felt lonely in my troubled times. Same  has started again. Just now talked to him. He listens patiently as a best friend. I know he's a gem of a person. But I also prefer not to call him or disturb him so much because I'm strong and I can fight this loneliness. Moreover, he's busy with his career planning and I pray that he gets what he deserves- the best of all. He'll be gone next year. Bye my dear friend. You've always been there in my good and bad times. You've just acted as a true and best friend. I really don't think that there's any hope of us meeting once you're away. But God bless you and keeps you very close to him by showering lots of happiness, strength and peace.
Sometimes, I think goodness comes naturally to a person like him. Even if I try hard, I can't be so nice and good. I can be fake at times, but I can't be so good. May be I've seen in/out of this world alot.
Well, I also went to NSIT today. Actually my friend and flat mate D wanted to see  it. So, I took him and we rode all the way to Dwarka on my bike. When I reached NSIT I was full of nostalgia. Took my friend to BH-1 where I stayed during my 3rd and 4th year, recalled my tough times, went to old canteen and had 1 Maza(actually, under grad girls were there and I went to check them out :P), recalled my days at Lovers lane, saw GH and finally sat on admin stairs which I never liked while I was in NSIT. But today, I loved sitting there. Heard some of the girls saying blah blah about BH, BF etc. and suddenly realized that they are kids. We were also kids at that time and considered us as we were too grown up. At that time, life was just books, classes, hostel room, phone, friends, only 1 GF, etc. We cried alot when things were not going well with GF/BF and may have even spoiled weeks in case of break up.
But now I realize that life is much beyond all this, much beyond. I don't say I was foolish because everyone was like that. But I feel I was innocent unlike now where each time I have to trust a person, I think alot. At that time, I used to get restless if someone around me was sad or troubled or hurt. But today that has started missing. Today, I may not bother to hurt someone if he/she has done the same with me. I really want to go back with all same friends P,N, R, A, H, PM,V etc. I miss you guys. I really miss you alot.
But I know that today no one has time to listen my crap. Everyone is busy in their lives.
Yes, I'm feeling lonely. But where are you? Come, please hold me. please hug me when I'm full with past memories and emotions. please don't leave me alone. I know You will come one day and then will stay with me forever. But why can't that day come bit early. Why do I have to wait so much for you. I'm done with all this flirting and stuff. Now I really want you and I mean literally. I know I'm moody, I'm messy, I get restless and sometimes senseless, but still I want you to be by my side holding my hand. I promise I will never leave you and will never hurt you. I will always take care of you and love you like hell. I want you to put your head on my shoulder and trust me as your best friend when it's tough time for you.
Please come soon. I'm waiting...  :(

Bodyguard+Delhi Belly

So after getting F***ed at office on saturday, I finally went to watch Salman's BODYGUARD. Now, actually I want to watch all his movies which I missed i.e WANTED and READY. Also, I've started liking cheapest of all Khans. I know the kind of movies he does is targeted for a particular group. But still, whatever he does, he fits perfectly into it. That's the charm. So, I watched Bodyguard. It's above average movie with some really stupid instances and few emotions. Like the Kareena still loves his bodyguard even after years. Idiotic was Salman's son asks Kareena "meri Maa ban jao". WTF!! is it really possible to forget your real mom even if she is a culprit. Well, though it was a action flick, still it has some real emotions.

Another movie which I watched is DELHI BELLY, finally. I heard alot about this movie and it turned out to be damn funny, hilarious and yes full of stupidity too. I won't write about any of the scenes because they can't be explained. They can only be watched :P . Surely a good masala movie from Aamir's camp. I loved it.

Apart from movies and all, my life is really going tough as I've to work alot these days due to month end and also Diwali coming up. I went to office on Saturday as well as on Sunday. I had to miss my SAIL MT exam just because of this office thing and when I went there, there was hardly any work and moreover none of our seniors were there. I'm really frustrated from this. I think office blues have started on my blog just like P's blog. I used to lecture him on his posts, but now I need a lecture- to stay motivated and move on :( . I badly need ONGC job. God!help me.... :(
Also, today's P's Birthday. 2 yrs before, I always used to be with her on this day. Happy bday P. Enjoy your life. :) 

azeeb sa MOOD

Today, mood is really weird. Don't want to do anything, neither ET, TOI nor Big bang theory. I think I'm also getting the habit of blogging frequently like P because now I'm too upset to discuss my stuff with others. Best I can do is to write like this. Actually job pressure is increasing now a days. Its not like I can't handle it. I can handle it well but the point is that boss has started getting angry on me which I'm not liking. Yesterday, he shouted at me just because unintentionally I gave cost to airlift some ACs and he didn't want to arilift as it increases the cost of Logistics. It was really minor error or I will not even say it my error. But still he shouted at me. While returning from office I was angry on my boss and company.But suddenly a voice came from inside me which recalled an old saying, "There will be days when you will be giving your best in your job but still your boss will shout at you.Still don't lose hope, continue your fight and move on".
Now a days, its happening on daily basis that somebody else does the mistake and I've to hear it from my boss. With all this going on, I can easily see my Diwali days full of chaos. Well, let's see what's there more for me in coming days...Fingers crossed... :(
There's one song which I song when I'm down:
ek pyar ka nagma hai, maujo ki rawaani hai
zindagi aur kuch bhi nhi..teri meri kahani hai hai...

My dreams

Yes! Finally one of my wish came true as now I’m also a forun return. I went to Japan last to last week as a part of our training. We went to Osaka and Tokyo. As a part of training, we visited Plasma factory, Global HQ etc. One interesting thing to see was recycling plant for FMCD. It’s good to see a co. taking some social initiative, though I know there is always a scope for profit. Well, we travelled from Osaka to Tokyo by Bullet train or Shinkansen, in Japanese. It was a nice experience.  And then in Tokyo, did some wild things too which I should not discuss here J

Overall the trip was nice. The best part of the trip was humbleness and courtesy of Japanese people. They are shy and real humble people. They would never say yes straight way but also would never say no blatantly. But I don’t like those Japanese sitting in India office. Real bunch of idiots, truly. One day, the Japanese who sits next to me says I’m always late and he would report this to my HR manager. Bloody idiot, Ja kar de as if I’m afraid. If I sit in office till 8, then I don’t think it’s a crime to come 10 min late that too due to some unavoidable traffic jam.  Well, leave it since my boss has no problem with me of that sort.

Also, lots of mixed thoughts going with me these days, as always. Today, I appeared for ONGC GT exam. While returning from Lajpat nagar, I encountered a happy and sweet family in metro comprising of parents, Grandma and two children- a boy and a girl, twins I think. I was observing them since they boarded the train. The dad was too caring and children were too naughty. They wanted to hang on the handles in the metro and sweet dad helped them in doing this. The boy was just running here and there across metro poles and girl, as other girls, was less naughty. I observed dad doing high five with his children when they could hang properly. Also, he was consistently listening to his wife and mom. It was nice to see this where a man who is caring towards his children as well as his mom and wife. How nice some people are in their lives and fulfil all responsibilities with great heart and efforts. I also want to become like him.  I know I’ve been a best son, best brother and a best friend. But now I also want to become a best husband and a best father. Best father for only children above 3-4 yrs of age, since infants take away parents’ sleep :P . I want twins to play and care forever. Well, it’s just a random thought and I don’t want to marry so soon.

I just read P’s blog who stated about SRK and I’m again going mad about him. Actually what I want is to carve my life just like that of SRK’s though I don’t want to lose my parents and also don’t want my sisters go disturbed. But yes, I want to achieve rest everything like him. I know we are just a part of Indian middle class who will get a fat belly after 30s and then wife, children and what not. And like others,  I would also get rest directly in my 60s now L. But still, want to be as successful and nice as SRK.

Sometimes, I think I and P think so deeply about life. But the difference is that if that deepness takes a toll of me, I just shrug all those thoughts. But I think P doesn’t.  He’s going to settle abroad and one more friend will be departed after Adi. I still know how much sad I was when I was in NITIE and Adi was heading towards Delhi Airport to depart for US. But never mind, Life is like that. Only my God will stay with me till my last breath and rest is all transient.

Also, few events happened in last few days that really disturbed me and my mood was off due to that.  Actually, I was too keen to take revenge, as always, from someone. On this, my school friend and flat mate D advised me “don’t live like petrol which will always catch fire and will burn everything including itself. But live like water which is needed by everyone and nobody can survive without it”. So I took his advice very seriously. Deep words they were. In short, I’m just waiting for my Miss right now.

Lot more to write but post is getting lengthier. So next time.

kab tak gine hum dhadkane.. dil jaise dhadke dhadkne do..

With new hopes and new problems, I’m writing this post. I’ve started feeling that my life and state of mind is going exactly same as of P’s who always cribs about personal entangled with professional life and later taking toll of you. Since last 2 weeks my Saturdays are working and will go on till diwali. WTF! If company wants to earn extra profit, then what is our benefit from that-same salary which we could have got after working 5 days. Then why to put extra efforts!! Damn! Even Samsung or LG don’t do this to their employees. I know we are growing, but there has to be some line of separation between your personal and professional life. My boss is good but I don’t like his concept of just making me to sit in the office till late because I’m bachelor and don’t live with my family, so ghar jakar kya karte ho?? I don’t understand to sit in the office because your boss is sitting.

My flatmate and friend says that I’m fed up very early from this corporate culture. And yes, He’s right because I can’t take this anymore just for money. So, now I’ve started searching for something else which I would reveal later. Mental peace I always possess. But I want to live for myself and my family. I’m the only son and I’ve to support my family and my sisters which I can’t do in this busy schedule. Since, Wednesday I’m working more than 12 hrs or just staying in the office for more than 12 hrs. Though I follow SRK madly who used to and still works for more than 12 hrs, but he started this because he had too much responsibilities. His parents died, he had to support his sister and also look after his career. It was tough for him and had no other options. But I do have options to make my life better. Even I want to work real hard but at the same time don’t want to neglect my personal life. I want stability in life.

Since the day I’ve seen ZNMD, I’ve only this notion of “to live it up” and I would definitely do that. It may happen that, I would buy home few years later in comparison with current situation, I would earn less, I would just buy polo instead of my dream car Honda Accord. But I would be happy to be with my family whenever they need me unlike current situation. I would prefer to have less money and more happiness instead of vice versa.  I want to make it large. This whole josh has come from ZNMD and my pathetic professional life going. Also, I follow lyrics of this song:

hey hey chalo na
dhoondhe sheher naya
jahaan muskurahaten hain bikhri
jahaan se ghum ka mausam gaya
jahaan meethi baatein
har ik ajnabi se ho
bhoole hum bhi jo saari fikren
lamha lamha khushiyan bikhren
idhar udhar aur yahan wahan
jaayen wahin dil kahe jahaan
baby baby baby
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
hey hey chalo na
gaaye naye naye geet
khel aisa kyun na koi khele
jisme sabhi ki ho jeet
in dino phool aur taare
koi bhi dekhta nahi
dekhe unko deewane hoke
koi kitna bhi humko toke
khuli hawa ho khula samaa
jaage hue ho sab armaan
baby baby baby
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
humse dil ne kahi jo baatein aao maan le
jispe chalta nahi hai koi raah wo chale
thodi aawargi ho
thodi thodi madhoshiyaan ho baby
hum ho tum ho baby tell me
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do
kab tak gine hum dhadkane
dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do
kyun hai koi aag dabi
shola jo bhadke bhadakne do

Well, rest of my life is going ok-ok types. Now I have only Sundays to spend in peace. I’m always engrossed in my past memories especially of my school. Even I was telling this to someone that I want to go back to my school and just sit near basketball court with same batch of students and same teachers, no matter how old everyone may be. But I know it’s not possible as it goes:

Nagme hai, shikwe  hai

Kisse hai, baatein hai

Baatein bhool jati, yaadein yaad aati hai!!

Yeh yaadein kisi dilo janam ke chale jane ke baad aati hai..

Yaadein..haiii yaadein…

more on my life, later.

New Life.

Writing blog after 2 months. So lot has changed in these 2 months as I’m no more a student today. Done with NITIE on 26^th may, 2011. Job started from 15^th june,11. Too much mixed feelings coming to me from last 2 months. For 1^st 10 days, it was just corporate induction and real work started from 27^th june. I’m assigned my work in some way and not fully. Giving my real best in everything I’m doing in office and also trying to learn a lot. Best part is that my boss is very amazing and supportive personality who has lot of faith in me just because I’m from NITIE J . The day we had corporate dinner with top management during induction, my boss also came and said that he expects a lot from me because NITIE has its vast presence in industry. I felt bit under pressure to perform but then he lightened the mood by saying “take it easy, work hard and rest leave it on me”. Just want to praise him because he’s really a nice guy or a boss everyone desires.

I’m given a role of distribution planner with designation of asst. manager. I’m loving it, at least currently. People are nice at my work place. Everyone is very supportive with no arrogance. In short I’m loving culture. May be because it’s a Japanese company. Also, I would be going to Japan in august end for a week J . Really excited about it.

Moreover I’m staying with D, my school friend since class 9^th. We are great buddies. In this world of selfish people, at least I’m in safe haven.

If I see broader picture, then everything is fine. But if I analyze closely then I found myself confused. First confusion starts with “should I opt for PSU job in near future?” this question is troubling me since last 1 month cos I’m really liking Panasonic. But don’t know how long I’m going to like it. Secondly, I’ve started missing my school, college and NITIE days a lot. Its not like I’m frustrated with my corporate days or bored with it. But it feels that those were wonderful days. For instance, I’m suffering from cold and cough from last 1 week, but I didn’t take any leave just cos it’s a new job or after all it’s a job and not college or school L where I could take leave on my will (btw, I was reluctant in taking leaves while I was in school and college as I never liked to skip work).

Sometimes I see myself in character Ted of HIMYM(P.S I was noticing this from long back and not trying to copy FRIENDS from P’s blog :P ). I really feel whatever he does is very similar to what I’ve done so far in life. I studied hard like him, got a good job, then been in more than 1 relationships and every now and then it seems I’m about to enter another one like him L. But I don’t have many friends like him who are as supportive as his. I mean I do have but all are far away unlike him whose friends are always with him. Actually I like all characters of this series. Marshal, Lily, Robbin, stupid barney and always changing Ted’s GFs.

More on this later.

Innocence, Memories and Emotions...

Twinkle Bajpai in Haunted

I’m back from amazing trip to Kerala. It was really nice. Finally, people also got to know about my new hair style as I uploaded pics on fb :P . So this post is about few people I encountered or I may say people I saw while returning from Kochhi.

While returning from Kochhi, we had to take train from Delhi to reach Saharanpur. As usual train was 2 hrs. late and I spent time on platform. When train arrived, we occupied our respective seats/berths. On one of our berths, a girl was lying. I urged her that it was our berth. So she shifted from there. She was travelling with her mother and they didn’t have any reserved seat. They were Punjabi.  There was pure innocence in her eyes. I noticed that when her mother said “mei paani lene jaandi aan neeche” and she replied “menu kella chhodke jaugi tu”. Please pardon my Punjabi. I’m still trying hard L. I could see the innocence and pain in her voice. It seemed they were looking for some hope in probably troubled times which I couldn’t predict.  And then suddenly a thought came in my mind that how lucky I am to have everything in place and also to have such caring parents. Each time I remember that girl I just thank God-my lord. Then, she asked me “pai, aapnu kithhe jana” and I replied “Saharanpur aur tussi?” she said “Jullundhar”. Also asked that can she occupy our berth once we leave and I nodded. At around 2.20 a.m I woke up and prepared as train was about to reach Saharanpur. She was still awake and was lying on her mother’s lap. I felt pity and offered her my berth. While getting out of train, I just prayed for her well being.

Next day, I was going on road to buy something and I saw 2 school kids-a girl and a boy going. They were around 20m distance away and were teasing each other by making faces. I just smiled and recalled my school days that how I used to tease children in my school and tonga :D. I and J were kind of bad boys in tonga and also troubled our classmate L in 4^th standard. We used to tease a girl and her little brother just because the girl always used to show attitude and we didn’t like that. It was totally unreasonable fight that we used to have till the day she told her parents and our tonga wale bhaiya ji reported that to my Mom. And then I was scolded very badly. Also in class we used to trouble L on seating issues because since I and J are best friends so we always wanted to sit together. But he always caused trouble by sitting in between us on a seat of 3. His surname was Arora and we used to tease him by saying “Lalit arora break ka pakoda, khane mei tasty thoda thoda” :P He also brought a note from her parents at which I and J convinced him not to show it to class teacher and we would behave from now onwards :P . I really miss those days. Still want to see those people I used to tease.

Yesterday I watched movie Haunted-3D. Though it was just 2D but still I enjoyed it. It’s another nice horror movie from Vikram Bhatt after 1920. Many of my friends didn’t like it. But I loved it. I felt bit embarrassed during movie because of story line and presence of my Dad L . So in a nutshell the story is that a girl’s spirit is caged by a male evil spirit who was once her piano teacher, in a big mansion. He caged him so that he could assault her sexually always and this continues for 80 years after which a man (some new actor) comes and rescues her as now he owns that house. The movie is full of emotions with some amazing music especially the song “sau baras guzre” is full of pain: 

Sau Baras guzre raat hue
Sau Baras guzre din hue
Sau Baras guzre chaand dikhe
Sau Baras guzre bin jiye
Kyun pal.. tehertha hai yeh
Kyun wakth badaltha nahin hai
Yeh raa..h soni hai kyun
Kyun koi nikhaltha nahin hai
Sau Baras guzre saans liye
Sau Baras guzre bin jiye
Palkein hai khwabon se khali..
Dil hai ke bandh koi ghar..
Kabhi rang the
Nainon mein
Kabhi dil ko lagte the par..
Woh raat saheli meri
Sab taare chura le gayi hai
Woh dil.. jo tha mera
Ab woh bhi mera nahin hai
Yeh kaffa mujhse yaar mere
Kya patha kab yeh phir mili
Hum toh charahon se jalke
Baithe hai umeed mein..
Kya jaane
Yeh kiss ka
Rahein intezar hamein…
Koi.. chule mejhe
Kyun aakhir yeh lagta hai dil ko
Saansein… bandh hai toh kya
Abhi bhi dhadaktha hai dil toh
Yeh thadap koi na.. sune
Na samjh yun hi
Dil hai yeh
Sau Baras guzre raat hue
Sau Baras guzre din huee..

It’s a hard core horror movie but full of pain and emotions.  Also the girl is really very very sweet in the movie.