I’m back from my trip to Hyderabad. It was great as I spent some quality time with my sister, Jiju and my sweet nephews. Also met my DCE friends and watched IPL match-the first match ever in a stadium. After coming from there, I also went to Amritsar and had a great time with J, V and others at Golden temple and Wagah Border. Though I missed Jallianwala bagh but that was due to time constraint. Next week, would be heading to Kerala with Mom and Dad. In short, I’m enjoying my fake holidays to the fullest :). Quiet sure that I won’t get such time once I start my job.
On Monday, P texted me and asked me to forgive her. She was feeling bad after whatever she did to me last year. She was sorry for that. I said that I forgave her last year itself and I want her to be happy. At the same time, I was irritated that she’s sorry but couldn’t take pain to call me. Well, later G tried to make me understand that she might be afraid of facing me. I totally understand that. Sometimes I still think about P. I don’t know what feeling is this.
Today, J also texted me and asked me to not to stay in touch as she wants to get over me. I said fine and realized that I was doing the same that P did to me 1 year back. I was on the same shoes as J and was helpless as P never understood what it takes to say no to a person who loves you the most or the kind of love you’ve ever experienced. But what could I do! According to SRK who says “Chahe jo tumhe poore dil se, milta hai wo mushkil se. aisa jo koi kahi hai, bas wohi sabse haseen hai, us haath ko, tum thaam lo..wo meherbaan.. kal ho na ho” I should happily accept J and P should happily accept me. But that’s not the case and I also understand why P did that to me. I tolerated all that because I think I’m a boy and a bit strong (heartwise). But worried about J that whether she would get over me or not. In search of getting the best, we sometimes even lose the better. But still we don’t regret. That’s the whole paradox. Well, a man shouldn’t worry about events which are out of his control as they only cause anxiety, emotional disturbance etc.
To add to the worries, my Mom and Dad are forcing me to see a girl in Delhi. WTF is that you get a job and 1 thing your parents think about you is marriage. I planned to enjoy my so called Jawani after job. Well, the girl has done BE and is employed in IBM and would be going for MBA this year in Gurgoan. Marriage will be after 2 years of her MBA. So out of curiosity I tried to search her on fb. But couldn’t find her. Though the girl seems to be good match. But abhi shaadi ke chakkar/formalities mei nhi panda mujhe . How do I tell them!!
Also, I was feeling J for D-my school’s classmate for 11 years got through L. Had she deserved, I wouldn’t have felt jealous. But I find her most undeserving. Also, she would be now ahead of me in my school batch where I was ahead of everyone in terms of better carrier or B-school. Well, now a days I also feel that I’m undeserving. Lot of negative vibes coming to me which give me such a feeling :( .
More on my miseries, later. 