Afraid of love...

Since past 3 months  I’m out of habit of writing blog. This may be because of too busy academic activities in NITIE. There are lot many thoughts and emotions running in my mind and heart and I can’t hide them any longer. I’m not getting any PPO from Glenmark because I’m not at all interested as they are paying less. So my only hope now lies with NITIE’s final placement and I’m very much sure that I’ll grab a very good job.

Actually, I’m interested in PSU job. I’ve seen the life in a private job in 2 months at Glenmark and it was really pathetic. At least in a PSU job you can pursue your interests, hobbies and also give time to your family. Emotional energy is on a great height now a days. Just after my exams, I headed towards my home. On the way, I met a girl from Varanasi who’s pursuing her MBBS from Meerut. It was nice meeting her. Sometimes we find such a nice people in a journey that we are ready to befriend with them. Same happened with me. But train friendships don’t lasts longer.

Secondly, I’m afraid falling in love again. This I realized recently. I can be very good friend to someone but can’t trust anyone. Though I need someone to care of me, to laugh with me, to play with me and what not. But the fact is I can’t trust anyone because as SRK says in KKHH that “pyar 1 hi baar hota hai. Baar baar nhin hota”. Also other reason is that now I don’t think that my family is going to support me in case of any love marriage. My mom has made her mind for my arrange marriage and also made an image of ideal bahu.

So after spending 1 week at home, I went back to Mumbai. But as soon as I reached Mumbai, I suffered from chicken pox and was quarantined in my room for a week. Then Mom came and took care of me along with Abhineet, Amitabh, Gaurav, Aashu and Anuraag—my friends. Mom was worried about my weakness and so took me back to home and now I’m resting at home. Probably next week I’ll make my move for Mumbai and hopefully will start the placement preparation full-fledged. Also will try to get out of my sulky emotions as a hope always lies in my heart for “ SOME1 SOMEWHERE IS MADE FOR YOU”…

Sapney....

Last night I saw a dream and after a long time I’m able to recollect it. But this time it was special. Yes, I saw SRK and Jaya bachhan in my dream. I know it sounds funny and crazy. Actually the location was my BH1 hostel of NSIT and I was roaming in the hostel. I saw both of them tweeting on a big projector screen. You can see anything in your dream :) . I got very excited to see both of them. Not too much with Jaya but more with SRK. I told him that he’s my idol and he laughed. He was in a shirt and below towel wrapped (anything in a dream you know :P).He asked me why I think so. I was bit nervous and also excited. Then suddenly he started walking into his apartment (he wasn’t living in Mannat :D). But while going, he gave me a bouquet and also autographed it. Suddenly I asked him for a photo with me. I told him that I’ve a digital camera and I will bring it soon. He said ok bring it in jus t2 minutes. So I ran towards my room and don’t know what happened to my speed that I took ½ hour to bring the camera. But when I came back, there was nothing like SRK and I was very very disappointed. I thought he’d gone since I took so much time. But when I woke up in the morning, then realised it was a dream :( .
But I’m happy that at least I met him in my dream and probably one day will meet him in reality too. I know that the whole dream is too crazy to handle. But anything can happen in your dream no… :)

My mitr...

 So today’s lazy Sunday and I planned to go panajim’s Miramar beach. But couldn’t get anyone to come along.  So dropped the idea and slept for 3 hours. I know it sounds boring. This is what I’ve been doing from the last 3 Sundays. But can’t help it. I’m just counting my days here in Goa. Also, I bought a Sony’s Digital camera from my 1^st salary. Yippee… I was planning to buy it from long back and now finally it’s here. Though it’s very basic model but it will serve the purpose for the time being.

As I wrote it was a lazy Sunday, so I was fully occupied with only thoughts and no actions. I was actually thinking about my friend P. I don’t know whether we are good buddies, only buddies or just college mates because we don’t talk to each other on phone regularly. We don’t chat regularly. We don’t ask about each other’s wellbeing. We only chat after reading the status on gtalk. I’m such a stupid that forgot his birthday this time and wished him the same day but at the last. I’m really very very bad in remembering wedding, birthday, anniversary dates. God help me else my wife would kill me. :P

I prefer not to disturb him because he stays very busy. If he takes time in replying, then I try not to ping him again. He never calls me. It’s not like I expect a call always but sometimes I ask myself do friends behave like this?

But still in all those 4 years of college, I’ve laughed with him, studied with him (though sometimes), had fun with him and also cried with him. Yes, I’ve cried on his shoulders because he could only understand my tears. When nobody could understand me or my problem, I always called him and he was there with me. He supported me in my really tough times when even my love backed out. I really miss him sometimes. But actually he’s always in hurry. So can’t afford to waste his time. For me, he’s my true buddy. I don’t know about his opinion.  

I know he reads my blog. But the purpose of writing this post is not to tell him anything. Actually I really admire him for the way he is. He has a small child in him who makes him laugh, to enjoy, to worry, to dance and to sing too. I’m not saying that this child is not there in me but I don’t expose him all the time. I just smile at him when the child in me reacts to anything.  He is a geeky types who’s always engrossed in all news, novels, latest updates and what not. But I’m not like that. I respect the way he is though sometimes I get irritated when he doesn’t chats with me aimlessly, when he doesn’t talks on phone much, when he’s always in hurry. But he’s my friend and I don’t want him to change his behaviour towards me. I always try to keep him with me forever like FRIENDS FOREVER :)

LORD OF LIGHT..It is..

Today, I feel the most stupid person in this world. The reason behind this is something that everyone will laugh at. From my childhood, I always thought that my name’s meaning is Lamp of God. This is because I’m over influence by Hindi language. I read “sandhi vichhed” in class 10th and did sandhi for my name i.e. Deep+esh. I derived the meaning as lamp of God. Actually I can’t even blame my parents for that since it’s a Sanskrit word.
So by chance, today, I was searching the meaning of my name on google and the search returned something totally different. So finally, the meaning of my name is “Lord of Light”. Actually, it’s feeling very very stupid to change the mind set about the meaning of my name after 23 years. But will do it for sure.

Mixed feelings....

I’ve been encountering lot of mixed feelings from past 1-2 weeks. I’m in Goa for internship and its going fine. I’m happy that I’m giving my best. But still sometimes we feel rejoiced and sometimes very down on very minor issues. Same thing is going with me. I’ll start with part with happiness. Happiness comes from Bollywood. Yes, I really like Deepika padukone. I think she’s the prettiest actress I’ve liked after Juhi chawla. She’s damn cute in whatever she does either on screen or off screen. I didn’t like her in OSO with SRK. But last year, when I watched Love aajkal, I was lost in her. The way she acts, dances, cries, laughs is just awesome. I’m mad about her. I’m eagerly waiting for her new movie Houseful. I just love her.

Now comes some sad part. I’ve got some comments about my nature. I don’t know how to react on this. Somebody said that I behave in an extreme way. I love extreme and hate too. This is actually right about me. But I can’t help it.  I’m just like that and I’m happy the way I am.

Secondly, saw another brutal truth in this mean world. People promise, show affection, care and what not? But all these emotions and promises go in vain when time elapses. I don’t know why it happens. One should not show any hopes if he/she is incapable of doing anything. I know people stay busy. But you can still manage to take out some time. Anyways, I don’t need anyone’s care. I’m strong enough to fight anything in this world. I’m just saying this because time changes and with that people too.

Thirdly, I think I need someone and by this I mean something permanent. Someone for the lifetime so that I can completely rely upon her and never feel alone. Everything is going just fine in my life. The only dream left is this. Just because of this, I stay bit alone these days. But this doesn’t mean that I’m a pessimist. Was just feeling this way these days. I know these emotions will vanish soon with time. Fingers crossed :)

I'm Professional.. now...

So, my summer internship has started and today was my 4th day @ Glenmark generics Ltd. in Mumbai. Monday was the first day and was really special as it was my first office day. I reached andheri, where Glenmark’s HO is located which is a huge 6 floor building opposite to HUL, at 8.45 am. I called HR and she asked me wait for some time. After around 1 hour, she came and said that I will have to wait for another 1 hour as my work centre was getting ready and PC configured. I was rejoiced thinking that I’ll be treated as an employee of managerial position.
Around 12 noon, I was taken at my work centre and was given log in id and password of my computer along with a glenmark mail id i.e. deepeshk@glenmark-generics.com and a landline phone. Now that was something I was feeling proud of. The HR instructed to start online induction on Glenmark’s intranet. So I obeyed her and she told me that I’ll be meeting VP, supply chain management, who is also my mentor. Some kind of different feeling was running in my heart with lot of butterflies. Finally in the evening at 6pm I got the chance to meet my mentor who is generally damn busy. He gave me the project details and also told me that I’ve to go Goa next week to pursue the project and have hands on experience of operations management. He told me that whole of my staying arrangements will be taken care of. I was feeling glad on this.
Life has changed a bit now. It feels completely professional. I was thinking how the life would be once I’m in job. Lot of questions run in my mind daily with scary answers. I hope everything will be fine.

Cherishing the memories...

Lot of adventures happened in the past 20 days and I was really busy with academics, CPIM exam preparation and also some outing :D.

1. In the first week of February, we had a URS festival outside the NITIE gate where lot of things were present to attract people like giant wheel, death’s well (maut ka kua) and much more. I was really very very interested to go there but none of my friends were ready. But one day me and A decided to go there after dinner and then some more people joined us. We saw death’s well where 2 guys rode the bike on walls of the well and 1 guy drove a car there. It was really scary to see them. After that we went to some more rides which included giant wheel. While I was in the giant wheel, I was lost in my childhood memories when I use to go in a festival called gughaal ka mela in Saharanpur with my family. I was thinking how I use to hold the hand of my father and keep myself busy in watching toys etc. there. But now time has changed and today I was in such a kind of mela without my parents. It’s been a long time when I went to my city’s mela last. It’s a different feeling today to roam at different places without holding dad’s hand because we’ve grown up. But still I want to go in such festivals with my family and want to hold my dad’s hand again to cherish those wonderful memories.

2. Next adventure happened when we were attending our regular classes. Our lecture got over and as usual we went to have a cup of tea at canteen in academic block. We always have 10 minutes break between 2 lectures. In a lax way, we spent around 15 minutes there only and then when we went to the classroom, the room was locked from inside. Actually the environmental management’s professor is very strict. Like this we were thrown out of the class. We were thinking what to do next. So we planned to go Kala Ghoda art festival in churchgate. We were a group of 9 and had lots of masti on our way to churchgate by local train. Frankly saying, I liked kala ghoda but not that much as I don’t know how to appreciate art or on what parameters. I was a feeling a kind of bore there. Not only me but my few other friends also, excluding females as they go gaga over many things.

3. After KALA GHODA, we went for dinner and on our way saw Cyrus barocha shooting for some MTV show. Since we skipped our snacks, we were very hungry and stuffed ourselves. After this, next adventure was MARINE DRIVE. It was 11 in the night and we were sitting on the side of marine drive looking at the hotel Trident’s huge building and also enjoying cool sea breeze. It was really an awesome experience. I must say that Marine drive is the best place in Mumbai. It’s also called Necklace road as it is in semi circular shape. We clicked lot of pictures also. One end of marine drive is nariman point where the last seen of Wake up sid was shot. We sat on the rocks there for around 25 minutes. After this we went back to college. But still last fun of the day was singing songs in local @ 1 am.

4. MNIK released on 12th February and I was really eager to watch that movie. But none of my friends except A and D were ready to go and watch it. So I made plan with D who backed out on the last moment due to Sena-SRK tussle. It was Saturday and I was really depressed as I couldn’t find anyone to come along with me. I talked to P on chat who watched it and he told me not to destroy my fun just because of others and I realised that I have hell lot of dreams which I have to fulfil and can’t wait for anyone’s approval. So I decided to go alone and this was my first movie watched alone in a theatre. I really enjoyed it. MNIK rocks and so my dreams :). By the way, MNIK is SRK’s best performance ever and it’s a must watch.

5. And at last but not at least, we went to Thane for tree plantation activity with a NGO called HARIYALI, last Saturday. It was fun and we plan to go there in the future also. Currently I’m really busy with CPIM preparation whose exam is on 13th march and on 14th march I’ll be off to home. Really need some break to avoid being a home sick.